Compatibility of ESFP with ENFJ in Relationships

Are ESFP and ENFJ personality types compatible? See how ESFPs and ENFJs get along in this guide to ESFP/ENFJ relationships. If you're an ESFP in a relationship with an ENFJ, discover how you'll communicate, interact, and relate to each other in daily life.

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How ESFP and ENFJ Get Along

ESFPs and ENFJs have some common themes that often arise when they get to know each other. As an ESFP, you'll want to keep these issues in mind when you get to know an ENFJ.

As a Sensing Perceiver type, your approach to relationships is perhaps the most straightforward of all the types—you look for connections with people who are up for joining you on all of life's adventures. You may tend to gravitate towards people with a similar background to yours, but you just as easily accept people from all walks of life, so long as you can enjoy your time together. You especially value relationships with people who share your hobbies and interests and a can-do approach to life.

When relating to your counterpart, bear in mind that as an Intuitive Feeling type, they will tend to be highly idealistic about their relationships. They want authentic connections that reflect their true values, and they want to see who you really are as a person. Intuitive Feelers want to go deep, and revealing yourself to them is a worthwhile endeavor—once they feel they know you, they'll be a tireless cheerleader for your dreams and ambitions.

At first glance, it may seem as though the two of you have nothing in common—and in fact, you do have very different ways of seeing the world and thinking about things. The first time you meet this person, unless you discover a shared interest, it may seem that you have nothing to talk about.

You are an active, hands-on person who likes to live in the moment. You enjoy building things, doing things, and experiencing the world around you without judgment or expectation. You have little interest in fantasy, and like to stay firmly grounded in reality. You spend very little time wondering about the meaning of things or theorizing about how the world could be different; you're too busy enjoying it as it is.

In contrast, your counterpart is idealistic, sensitive, and empathetic. They feel things deeply and take their values seriously. They are very much in tune with the state of the world and the feelings of the people in it, and are always thinking about how to make the world a better place. They are drawn to fantasy and imagination and can sometimes lose track of what's going on in the real world.

So what might draw you together? Your differences mean that you actually have a lot to offer one another. Your counterpart may inspire you to slow down and think more deeply about the meaning of things, rather than just doing what feels right in the moment. In turn, you can help them to get out of their heads and enjoy life for what it is.

Although there are some common problems that can arise in ESFP/ENFJ relationships, it's important to remember that there's no such thing as a perfectly compatible pair in personality typing. Whether you get along with someone has more to do with your own self-knowledge and your sensitivity to your friend's needs and preferences—not some magic formula. Learning more about your own type with an in-depth assessment is a great place to start to build the self-awareness that is key to successful relationships.

Communication Between ESFP and ENFJ

Communication can be a challenge between any two people, and communication between ESFP and ENFJ personality types is not the exception. By being aware of the issues that often arise when ESFPs and ENFJs communicate, you can learn how to reach an understanding more quickly.

You have a different style of communication from this person, and you’ll need to make some accommodations if this relationship is to reach its full potential. 

You tend to communicate in a straightforward, concrete way, focusing on facts, details, history, and real-life experiences. You focus on the "what" when discussing something, and convey information that you observed directly or can back up with real-life evidence. When making plans, you tend to focus on the specific steps that will occur. And generally, you're interested in talking about real things, not ideas or theories.

In contrast, your counterpart tends to communicate in an abstract, theoretical way. They focus on making connections and interpreting meaning, the "why" of the thing in question. Much of what they communicate is their idea, theory, or interpretation of what they see, rather than a direct observation. When making plans, they are inclined to spend a lot of time talking about the overall goal or theme of the plan without having much interest in the details. 

While it may sound like you are speaking different languages, the truth is that although you have different comfort zones when it comes to communication, you are well able to get out of those comfort zones to meet halfway—and you'll both be the better for it. Your partner can help you stretch to look beyond the obvious of things and explore the deeper meaning. And in turn, you can help them to come back down to earth and discuss the details and facts of a situation, not just the big idea. 

You're both energetic communicators, and you may find that when you're together, you're both eager to talk. While this can make for some lively discussions, it can also be frustrating because you may end up competing for the floor. It's important that when you're together, you both focus on being good listeners as well as sharing your own thoughts. This is something you can work on together, and it is a worthy task, as developing your listening skills will benefit all your relationships, not just this one.

ESFP vs. ENFJ Values

Values are intensely personal, and while an ESFP and an ENFJ can find common ground, there will always be some differences in what you hold dear. However, understand how your ESFP approach to values compares with your ENFJ counterpart's will help you to appreciate and overcome your differences.

Both of you share a deep empathy and compassion for others and probably make plenty of time in your lives to be of service to your family, friends and communities. You both enjoy jobs that allow you to help people, in health care, social services, education or the like, or you both may spend time volunteering for causes that are important to you. However your sympathy plays out, you’ll both agree that the thoughtful helping of others is an important value for you.

Where you differ is how your values are directed. You are a deeply practical and logical person. You show your concern by offering pragmatic solutions, delivered in the here and now, such as giving a helping hand to a friend in need. You offer support that can be useful immediately—that’s today instead of someday—which is the exact opposite of the future-focus your partner prefers. While you certainly care for others, you are unlikely to feel another’s problems as if they were their own.

Your counterpart has a similar value system, but theirs is more deeply idealistic. They can easily imagine how the world could be a better place and enjoy empowering others to explore possibilities, whether they act on these ideas or not. They are not content to simply accept the injustices and cruelties of this world; they want to see right into the souls of others and make the world a better, gentler place. They are so passionate about what they believe.

For your partner, then, the instinct to serve is born of an empathetic heartache, rather than the sense of dutiful social responsibility that's more familiar to you. There is no reason why the two approaches cannot exist side by side, although you may find your partner’s approach too fanciful and soft-headed compared to your pragmatic ideas. While you’ll appreciate your partner’s tender heart, you may worry that they are striving to meet a potential that’s impossible to attain.

There’s an opportunity here to introduce one another to new ways of thinking. You both excel in sticking to values that are important to you, but you can help you partner understand the practical reality of these values. On the flip side, your partner can bring a sense of romanticism to your value system, helping you gain a passion for big ideas. The challenge for you is to not get too annoyed if your partner tends to ignore tradition and the wisdom of lived experience, preferring to use pie-in-the-sky imagination to forge a better way.

One of your key values is flexibility and freedom, and this in an area in which you differ from your counterpart. While you take a relaxed, come-what-may approach to life, they tend to be a bit more serious and goal-oriented. They value stability and structure, while you'll gladly trade stability for your own freedom to do as you wish. They may sometimes feel that you simply aren't serious or driven enough, while you may occasionally find them seriously lacking in fun.

You may find you have some conflict about whether it's really more important to work hard and achieve, or relax and enjoy the ride. Remember, though, that there's a time and place for both these values. Hard work is certainly worthwhile, but naturally hard workers must also learn to unplug and enjoy life. And for yourself, while you're not likely to miss out on any of the fun in life, you may find that you enjoy more success in your career and other pursuits if you allow yourself to be influenced by your more goal-driven peers.

ESFP and ENFJ in Daily Life

Lifestyle is an under-appreciated—but extremely important—element of compatibility. Your values and ideals may coincide perfectly, but if you can't agree on how to conduct day-to-day matters, your relationship will always have friction. As an ESFP in a relationship with an ENFJ, you can expect certain issues to arise in your daily life. Discussing these in advance, and figuring out how to deal with them, will make things go much more smoothly as you develop your relationship.

You both enjoy people, and your lives probably make plenty of room for friends, family, and social events. You likely both have large circles of friends and many parties and get-togethers to attend. As you get to know each other, you'll probably be excited to introduce one another around your social circles, and you'll enjoy getting to know each others' friends and families as a way of deepening your own bond.

You likely share an energetic approach to life and an appreciation for staying busy. You both tend to feel most alive when you're getting out and experiencing the world around you. In fact, your calendars may be dangerously overbooked, as neither of you is likely to turn down an opportunity to get out and do something interesting. Keeping up with one another can be a challenge, as you both tend to be on the go. If your relationship is a priority, make sure your social schedule reflects that.

Your daily routine together can tend to be overly busy and lacking in time for reflection and introspection. You both like to be out and about, and the idea of spending quiet time alone doesn't often hold a lot of appeal. While this approach to life works well for both of you, be mindful of maintaining a balance. Even the most extraverted person still needs a bit of time to be quiet, think and reflect. And taking some time to focus just on each other will allow you to discover new aspects of your relationship.

Organization may be a sticking point between the two of you. While you tend to be fairly relaxed about schedules, plans, and systems, your counterpart takes a more structured approach. You may find that disagreements arise over these fundamental differences.

If you share physical space, you may disagree over how clean, tidy, and organized it needs to be. Your counterpart will naturally feel more motivated to keep things in order, while you'll tend to have less of a need for organization.

You may end up feeling nagged or harassed by your partner's demands for organization, but it's important to remember that working on this aspect of your personality is a way of respecting who they are. Often, the more organized partner ends up taking on more of the shared responsibilities, simply because they're paying more attention to what needs to be done. This can lead to resentment and imbalance in the relationship. If you think of being organized as a means of showing respect or caring for the other person, rather than a chore, this may help you to feel more motivated.

Scheduling can also be an area of conflict for the two of you, as you like to leave things open-ended, while they prefer things planned and settled. Again, compromise is the key. The first step is to acknowledge that you have different approaches, and that each style has its benefits. Then, try to make sure your time together includes both scheduled events and free time for spontaneity, so both of you get a chance to be at your best.

Finding harmony in your life together may take some effort because you see and communicate different things. While you experience the world with your body and your senses, your counterpart looks behind the scenes and figures out the patterns between disconnected pieces of information. For you, daily life is for living. For them, it’s a springboard for testing out ideas and imagining how things might play out.

In your mind, actions speak louder than words. You are one of life’s ‘doers’ and you like to take concrete action. You tend to choose activities that will stimulate your senses or your body in some way whether that’s cooking, bungee jumping or arts and crafts. People call you down-to-earth since you’re very matter-of-fact.

The reverse is true for your counterpart. They are less focused on facts and personal experience, and more focused on feeding their intellectual curiosity and learning new things. For them, discovering new ideas is a lifelong pursuit and they tend to read widely, take classes for fun and explore the ‘yet to be discovered’. There are plenty of hobbies here that you could both be interested in, but it can cause rifts between couples who can’t come to an agreement on what they want to do in their spare time.

Routines can be another area of conflict. While you certainly have a sense of adventure, you have a low tolerance for shaking things up for the sake of it. You counterpart, by contrast, may dream of adventure to keep things exciting. You have much to offer each other here, as you can remind your partner what is important in the moment, and they can offer up angles and possibilities that give you a broader understanding of the world.

Ready to take your relationships to the next level? Discover how your needs, motivations, and perspectives drive you in relationships—and how to avoid common pitfalls—with our scientifically validated TypeFinder personality assessment.

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