Why It’s Not Easy Being an INFJ, the World’s Rarest Personality Type

As the rarest personality type, INFJs have a somewhat unique perspective on the world. That’s why they like to interact with other INFJs who understand their experiences and truly relate to what they think and feel. But being the rarest type isn’t always easy, since the vast majority of people they meet won’t share their outlook and attitudes.

In this article, we explore some of the reasons why it’s not easy being the world’s rarest personality type, the INFJ. Hopefully, it will help other INFJs feel less alone in their struggles and provide some insight for those who want to understand this personality type better.

Controlling Their Perfectionism is a Constant Struggle

INFJs have high standards for others, but they have even higher standards for themselves. This is generally not a bad thing: INFJs rely on their demanding natures to motivate their best efforts. They will strongly resist the urge to settle for mediocrity, and their actions can inspire their closest companions to be just as committed to excellence.

But their perfectionism can also be the classic two-edged sword. At times it can haunt them, creating a persistently nagging voice of self-doubt in their minds that is constantly telling them they have to do more, or do better.

People who are less perfectionistic may be caught off-guard by how demanding of themselves INFJs can be, and how quickly they criticize themselves when they run into roadblocks or fall short of their goals. No one else can really understand just how exhausted and worn down this rare personality type can feel following an encounter with their rigid perfectionist tendencies.

They Can't Dial Down the Empathy

INFJs have a virtually boundless capacity for empathy, for both people and animals. They are also highly intuitive, and this potent mixture creates a personality type that is constantly attuned to other people. They are so attuned, in fact, that at times they can literally experience their loved one’s emotions as their own, as if the boundaries separating them from others have been temporarily dissolved.  

INFJs treasure their emotional depth and will identify it as one of their greatest assets. But it can cause this rare personality type significant pain at times, when they experience the suffering of others right down to the core of their beings. The INFJ personality is sensitive to the small hurts, feelings of loss and wistful regrets that other people might be able to shoulder easily, and they pay an emotional price for it.

INFJs Like to Go Deep, and to Take You with Them

It’s well-known that INFJs aren’t really keen on small talk. Casual conversations in general can make them downright uncomfortable and awkward, making them feel like they just don’t fit in.

Many people interpret this as a sign of the INFJ’s introversion and assume they want to be left alone. But in reality, this rare personality type craves conversations that have substance, and they appreciate the people who are able to engage with them at this deeper level. 

INFJs are not socially reticent per se. They're just picky about what they like to talk about. When the conversation goes in the right direction they will do everything they can to keep that conversation going.

They Hate Conflict with a Passion

INFJs dislike conflict and are often ready to step in and play the peacemaker, even when it might be best for everyone to get things out in the open. Logically, they know that it's better to  address and resolve conflicts rather than let them fester. But in practice, they cannot get over their deep-seated aversion to conflict.

Part of this is because they genuinely want everyone to be happy. They can't stand the thought of anyone being upset or angry, especially if that anger is directed at them. But another reason is that INFJs are highly sensitive to the emotional signals and energy around them. When there’s conflict in the air, they feel it almost physically, and it can be overwhelming for them.

This conflict-avoidance can have a negative impact on their relationships in the long run, as it may lead to unresolved issues or more forthright personalities feeling like they are constantly being ignored or placated.

Their Mind Exists in a State of Constant Analysis

There is no “off” switch for INFJs. Their introverted personality type makes them prone to overthinking, where they continuously analyze things over and over again. Their intuitive nature has them ruminating down rabbit holes, trying to predict how situations will unfold. They can become frustrated or anxious when they see loved ones heading towards decisions that they perceive to be mistakes.

Additionally, the constant influx of intuitive insights can be mentally exhausting, as the INFJ tries to sift through which feelings and hunches to trust and act upon. The balance between trusting their intuition and not letting it overwhelm their decision-making process is a constant challenge for INFJs, making their intuitive gifts both a profound strength and a potential source of inner conflict.

It Isn’t Easy Being a Rare INFJ, But You Can Make it Easier

Most INFJs are all too aware that they belong to a rare personality type, one that can easily be misinterpreted or misunderstood. If you tell them that no more than two percent of the people they encounter share this rare type, they will probably say that this sounds about right. INFJs often feel like outsiders, living in a world that wasn’t built for them. They don’t regret being who they are, but they still wish more people understood them and would take their feelings more into account.

Now that you know a little bit more about what is going on with INFJs, you can join the ranks of their allies. You know to be on the lookout for their tendencies to be self-critical and overthink things, and you can help them avoid the conflict that they so fervently loathe. The more you do, the more they’ll feel like they belong somewhere in this crazy world. And when INFJs feel like they belong, their kindness and altruism shines brighter than before.